Wikipedia:Peer review/Hyacinth Graf Strachwitz von Groß-Zauche und Camminetz/archive1

Hyacinth Graf Strachwitz von Groß-Zauche und Camminetz

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I am looking for constructive criticism that helps me take this article to GA level.

Thanks, MisterBee1966 (talk) 11:30, 22 September 2013 (UTC)

Comments

• The lede needs to be trimmed. I'd suggest saving all the awards until the main body aside from a quick mention of the highest that he received (date not important). Remember that it's supposed to be a summary of the main body.
• Military reserve force should be shortened to reserves or somesuch. If there was a formal name for them at the time, use that in parentheses.
• I thought that the German custom was that each of the male children was granted the title of their father, or is that just a courtesy thing and the eldest male inherits the title proper?
• Translate Garde du Corps (Life Guards) and use the English term for the rest of the article. Gardes looks like a misspelling.
• He owned distilleries in both Groß Stein and Alt Siedel?
• Not sure that we really need a listing of his property by size.
• I think that this should be feral cattle and horse breeding: feral, cattle, foal
• 1st and 3rd Panzer-Brigade add an "s" to brigade. More later.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 19:20, 23 September 2013 (UTC)

Comments

• "Post-war, Strachwitz fought": "post-war" is an adjective, not an adverb, in the usual dictionaries, though it's used as an adverb occasionally.
• "At the outbreak of World War II, Strachwitz was appointed ordnance officer participated in the Invasion of Poland and the Battle of France. ": Something's missing; also, he didn't participate in the Battle of France at the outbreak of WWII.
• "he fought in the Invasion of Yugoslavia in April 1941 and Operation Barbarossa": dates on both or neither
• "until his death from lung cancer on 25 April 1968 and was buried": until his death from lung cancer on 25 April 1968. He was buried
• " the then Kingdom of Prussia": "then" is overused in this sense. "the Kingdom of Prussia". - Dank (push to talk) 00:28, 8 October 2013 (UTC)

Thanks for the feedback so far. I believe to have addressed most. I want to keep the property size for now. My reasoning is that in other countries his rather large property may be considered small by local standards. The data may help compare size. MisterBee1966 (talk) 18:11, 13 October 2013 (UTC)

The list is too much detail for what we do here. Better to simply say that he was relatively wealthy by local standards.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 16:09, 14 October 2013 (UTC)

I moved the info to a footnote. I want to keep it there for now. MisterBee1966 (talk) 11:38, 16 October 2013 (UTC)