Wikipedia:Peer review/Ozzie Smith/archive3

Ozzie Smith[edit]

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for December 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I feel this article needs one more full peer review before it is submitted to FAC again. I've nitpicked this article for the past year, and I'd like a fresh set of eyes to point out suggestions to style/formatting, neutral point of view compliance, and grammar/sentence structure.

Thanks, Monowi (talk) 06:30, 12 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Just a couple more comments on things I noticed. It does look much better than the last time. Sorry if it seems a little more boring, but NPOV has to be a little more boring than sports copy I guess. One thing is can you add just a little more explaining the semi pro playing in the summer of 76? For one, how did that not affect his NCAA eligibility? Was that less strict back then? For another, can you check and clarify the timing of his college years? If he started in 74-75 then 75-76 would be his sophomore year, but it seems to imply he came back for his senior year after that summer. Second thing is can you add just a bit to the first paragraph in Post-playing career just to make the prose flow together better. Perhaps some more context on the show or how he did. Not much, just enough to help it read more smoothly. - Taxman ^Talk 08:54, 24 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the time you took to look over the article; you've raised some interesting points and questions. I'll research his college years more over the coming the weeks to see if I can come up with some answers, and try to address other areas of the article as part of clean up edits I plan on making soon too. Thanks again, Monowi (talk) 20:58, 29 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]

A big thanks to User:PRRfan, who did a great copyedit/cleanup job while this peer review was still open! Monowi (talk) 04:06, 7 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments Just saw I never followed up on my promise to make some comments here - my apologies. I think this looks very close to FA. Here are a few comments:

Refs in the lead are usually not needed, as the lead is a summary of the article (which should have the refs). Extraordinary claims and direct quotes in the lead should have refs, so if you do want refs in the lead, I would add one for the end of the first paragraph (13 Gold Gloves etc.)
Language is generally very good, but "childhood leisure activities" in Developing quick reflexes via childhood leisure activities in both the lead and text sounds a bit stilted. Perhaps "childhood athletic activities" would read better?

I like that idea; change made. Monowi (talk) 01:38, 19 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Per WP:MOSQUOTE block quotes are supposed to be at least four lines long, but on my screen none of the block quotes are longer than a line and a half. I realize this is monitor dependent, but wanted to let you know someone might raise this at FAC.

Thanks for pointing this out. I worked on the article to address this issue. Monowi (talk) 01:38, 19 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

In the interest of parallel constuction, I would add "future MLB player" to Smith was a teammate of future NBA player Marques Johnson on the basketball team, and a teammate of Eddie Murray on the baseball side.[11]

There's been a lot of back and forth concerning this sentence, with other editors trying to help by re-phrasing the sentence. The sentence used to have "future MLB player" in it, but got changed somewhere along the line. I have added it back in. Monowi (talk) 01:38, 19 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I would clarify this Smith finished his career with many distinctions, such as the accumulation of more than 27.5 million votes from fans in All-Star balloting, and holds the record for the most at-bats without hitting a grand slam.[6][104] Is the at bats without a grand slam record for all of MLB or just the Cardinals?

Great suggestion; I actually took the extra step of re-phrasing the sentence to improve prose while incorporating this change.Monowi (talk) 01:38, 19 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Images look very nice - not sure if the text in File:Ozzie sidewalk.JPG is copyrighted or not.

Hope this helps, and sorry again about forgetting to comment before. Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 11:41, 11 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]