Wikipedia:Peer review/Tyler Thigpen/archive1

Tyler Thigpen[edit]

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for June 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I believe it is fully developed into a biography of Thigpen's (so far short) NFL career. In-depth, detailed, promoted to GA status in December 2008.

Thanks, conman33 (. . .talk) 19:21, 16 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: Interesting article and lots of facts and references. I assume this meant to get to FA eventually, so here are some suggestions for improvement with FAC in mind.

The lead seems a bit sketchy to me - it is supposed to be a summary of the whole article. My rule of thumb is to include every header in the lead in some way but his 2007 season is not mentioned, nor is the Chiefs' record with him as QB in 2008. The whole future QB for the 2009 season part also seems a bit too emphasized in the lead - see WP:WEIGHT and WP:NOT] (Wikipedia is not a crystal ball).
Most early life sections at least mention parents and birthplace and siblings
The writing is a little choppy - many of the paragraphs are short (only one or two sentences) and should probably be combined with others to improve flow, or perhaps expanded
I would also say his college team was NCAA Division I (which the link used redirects to anyway). I think more people who know a bit about college football will know Division I than will know "the NCAA Football Championship Subdivision."
A lot of times there will be a Personal life section in athlete biography articles - does he have any hobbies, date anyone or is married, active for any charities, that sort of thing?
Three of the pictures are of large numbers of people on a football field - could some of them be cropped to show more of Thigpen? Even the one where it is him vs Phillips, it might help to identify Thigpen by the color of his uniform or left.
A model article is useful for ideas and examples to follow - Jim Thorpe and Tyrone Wheatley are both FAs on football players, though Thorpe is an older FA and might not be the best model

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 04:46, 28 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]