Wikipedia:Peer review/Wario/archive5

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Wario[edit]

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
Now I don't normally edit video game character articles. But since I want to get the article back up to FA status to claim the bounty, I would like get get as much feedback on what needs cleaning up or just what should be done to improve it. GamerPro64 05:18, 2 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I think the lead might need a little expansion to properly summarize the article. The first paragraph seems pretty good, but I think it needs a more about the appearances and especially the reception, which isn't mentioned at all. —Torchiest talkedits 15:26, 2 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
I expanded the lead a bit and added reception and a bit more on appearances. GamerPro64 04:02, 3 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Looks interesting, hope this project goes well. Not sure if I'll get to do a proper peer review, but I suggest if you take this to FAC you make sure you're not missing any good sources (since the article is relatively small, attention will be paid to 1C). For example, this book looks like it has some perspective on Wario. Mark Arsten (talk) 15:15, 4 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Make sure the formats of the reference dates are standardized.
  • "The creation of Wario allowed them a character of their own to "symbolize their situation".[1]" Could you explain this a little more? I'm not sure I follow.
    • From reading the reference, the team who made Super Mario Land disliked making the game as they did not have a passion for making games for someone else's character. So to "symbolize their situation" was them creating a new character. GamerPro64 21:32, 4 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
      • For some reason the way it's written seems unclear to me, maybe add another sentence or two of explanation? Mark Arsten (talk) 14:19, 7 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • You mention that Martinet auditioned for the role, but you don't note that he got the role. Also, when did he audition for it?
    • I mentioned that he got the part but I don't know when the audition was. GamerPro64 01:54, 9 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Voice actor Charles Martinet, who had voiced Mario since 1995, auditioned to provide the voice for Wario. Martinet was told to speak in a mean and gruff voice, and described voicing Wario as a looser task than voicing Mario, since Mario's voice and personality is free-flowing, coming from the ground and floating into the air, while one of Wario's cornerstones is self-pity." This is a fairly long sentence, I'd suggest breaking it up a bit.
    • Actually those are two sentences. Do you mean breaking up the second sentence? GamerPro64 23:29, 4 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • You mention Waluigi in the last sentence, but I think it might be a good idea to introduce him before then and note that Wario inspired his creation.
  • "Since his debut, Wario has become the protagonist and antihero of the Wario Land and WarioWare series, spanning both handheld and console markets, in addition to many appearances in spin-offs in the Mario series, as well as also appearing in Super Mario 64 DS and Yoshi's Island DS and in cameos for Densetsu no Stafy 3 and Pilotwings 64." This is a fairly long sentence, I'd suggest breaking it up a bit.
  • There's some repetition of "design" in the first paragraph of "Concept and creation"
  • I've made some copyedits, feel free to revert if I've messed anything up. Mark Arsten (talk) 18:43, 4 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Check for consistency with comma usage, I see "That same year Wario was also featured" & "The following year, the sequel Wario Land 4 debuted"
  • "features Wario in two of the stories. It features a variety of storylines" Some repetition of "features" here.
  • " including a story of Wario's past explaining his rivalry with Mario" Is this story canon? If so, you might want to summarize it.
    • I actually read that comic yet I'm not certain if its canon or not. GamerPro64 01:54, 9 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Computer and Video Games found the levity of Wario's games "liberating" compared to big Nintendo franchises such as Mario and The Legend of Zelda, and that regarding the character, "perhaps secretly we empathise more with the hopelessly materialistic Wario than goody brown-shoes Mario. Deep down, we'd all rather chase pounds over princesses."[26]" I'd suggest breaking this sentence up.
  • Are any of the Wario games notable for a positive or negative reception? If so, you might want to note that. Actually, I just saw that we have Wario (franchise) too, those details might be better suited there. Speaking of which, you should probably link to that article, and maybe consider a hatnote.
  • Check for repetition of "voice" in the second paragraph of "Concept and creation".
    • Instances of "voice" have been reduced, though more can still be done. Yiosie 2356 07:32, 15 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • " They focused on his behavior, which alternates between good and evil.[6] Etsunobu Ebisu, a producer of The Shake Dimension, considers Wario to be a reckless character, who uses his strength to overwhelm others. Tadanori Tsukawaki, the design director of The Shake Dimension, described Wario as manly, and said he was "so uncool that he ends up being extremely cool"." You switch tenses here, I'd try to avoid doing that.
  • You should also standardize whether you provide locations for references. Mark Arsten (talk) 21:03, 8 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Although it does not use the Wario Ware name, it incorporates gameplay and characters from the WarioWare series." Is it "Wario Ware" or "WarioWare"? Mark Arsten (talk) 22:46, 9 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    • Its WarioWare. Closed the spacing. GamerPro64 20:37, 10 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Ok, I finished my read through the article. Overall I think it's in pretty good shape. My only concern is its length. I suggest you read through some of the references again and check for relevant information that you may have left out. Mark Arsten (talk) 22:58, 9 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • References: Some have the publisher wikilinked, others don't (like IGN), also Game Zone should be GameZone, and wikilinked (we have an article on them). --Teancum (talk) 17:00, 8 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    • I wiki-linked all the publisher that I could and took care of the GameZone one. GamerPro64 20:37, 10 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
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