Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Assessment/Ahmad ibn Tulun
- The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
Article promoted by MisterBee1966 (talk) via MilHistBot (talk) 13:06, 25 April 2016 (UTC) « Return to A-Class review list
Ahmad ibn Tulun[edit]
- Nominator(s): Constantine ✍
Ahmad ibn Tulun (edit | talk | history | links | watch | logs)
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In many ways this is a complementary article to an earlier nomination, Muhammad ibn Tughj al-Ikhshid; Ahmad ibn Tulun was the first of the famous Turkish slave-soldiers to found his own dynasty, encompassing Egypt and the Levant, thereby beginning the process of fragmentation of the Abbasid Caliphate, even though he consciously imitated Abbasid models in statecraft and architecture, and never quite brought himself to breaking entirely loose from it. His example found many imitators (including al-Ikhshid), and as the first (virtually) independent ruler of Egypt since the Ptolemies, he also set a pattern for future Egypt-based regimes with his wars in Syria. The article was built by cobbling together a number of sources, as I don't have access to the still definitive account of the Tulunid dynasty, Zaky's Les Tulunides. Nevertheless, to my knowledge the article is the most complete English-language account of Ibn Tulun's life and times whether online or in print. Constantine ✍ 22:02, 31 January 2016 (UTC)
Comments: As always, feel free to revert. Recently, I've been doing the same things at A-class that I've been doing at Peer Review, and not supporting or opposing. I've copyedited down to Biography and skimmed the rest, and I don't think prose issues will be a problem at WP:FAC, if you want to take it there after you're done here. At FAC, I'll be happy to support on prose and copyedit the rest (eventually). - Dank (push to talk) 01:40, 1 February 2016 (UTC)
Support Comments: looks quite good to me. I have a couple of suggestions: AustralianRupert (talk) 11:51, 26 February 2016 (UTC)
"In his absence in Syria..." --> "During his absence in Syria..."?"leading to his imprisonment..." do you mean the father or the son here?- "Primary sources" --> I suggest moving this section below the Biography section as it seems to interrupt the narrative flow (IMO)
- The problem is that the primary sources are referenced by name in the text, and it seems better to me if they are presented beforehand.
- "Biography" --> not sure about the need for this heading, TBH, as the whole article is arguably a biography...Perhaps just delete that second level heading, and make them all second level headings...Thoughts?
- I agree it is a bit redundant, but I prefer to separate the biographical narrative from any additional sections like Legacy. Perhaps "Biography" is not the best name, and "Life" would be more apt?
watch out for overlink. The duplicate link checker tool reveals a few possibilities: al-Mu'tasim; al-Mu'tazz; Bilad al-Sham; Mecca;in the Sources, is there an ISSN or OCLC number for the "The Journal of the Royal Asiatic Society of Great Britain and Ireland"?in the Sources, capitalisation: "Brill's first encyclopaedia of Islam" --> "Brill's First Encyclopaedia of Islam"in the Further reading section, is there an ISSN or OCLC for the "Journal of the American Oriental Society"?
- Hi AustralianRupert and thanks for taking the time to review this. I've fixed most of the issues you raised. Other than that, how does the article read? Did you find it accessible and comprehensible? Constantine ✍ 22:28, 26 February 2016 (UTC)
- G'day, yes, I enjoyed reading it. Congratulations on another fine article. Regards, AustralianRupert (talk) 07:02, 27 February 2016 (UTC)
CommentsSupport"Originally a Turkic slave-soldier, in 868 Ibn Tulun was sent by the Abbasid caliph as governor to Egypt" perhaps consider rewording it to be more simply expressed as "Originally a Turkic slave-soldier, in 868 Ibn Tulun was sent to Egypt as governor by the Abbasid caliph."Is there a typo here: "...Ibn Tulun also got rid of the dismissal of Shukayr..."? (specifically "got rid of the dismissal" doesn't seem right)Possibly redundant wording here: "...remodelled the Egyptian administration after the model of the Abbasid central government" (particularly "remodeled" and "model"). Consider instead "...remodelled the Egyptian administration after that of the Abbasid central government..." (minor nitpick, suggestion only)"...which denounced al-Muwaffaq a usurper..." Is there a missing word here? Should it be: "...which denounced al-Muwaffaq as a usurper..."- Otherwise I couldn't find any issues with the article (although I am unfamiliar with the topic). It looks very good to me. Anotherclown (talk) 05:30, 30 March 2016 (UTC)
- Hi Anotherclown and thanks a lot for the review! Good suggestions all of them, they have been fixed. Cheers, and thanks again. Constantine ✍ 14:45, 30 March 2016 (UTC)
- Added my support now. Anotherclown (talk) 09:21, 31 March 2016 (UTC)
- Hi Anotherclown and thanks a lot for the review! Good suggestions all of them, they have been fixed. Cheers, and thanks again. Constantine ✍ 14:45, 30 March 2016 (UTC)
@WP:MILHIST coordinators: sorry to trouble you all, but this has been open for nearly three months now. If anyone is keen, it would be great to see if we could get a third review for this one. Cheers, AustralianRupert (talk) 04:45, 23 April 2016 (UTC)
- Support I have no objects to anything from the toolbox, all is current and correct. Interesting read! TomStar81 (Talk) 05:20, 23 April 2016 (UTC)
- The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.