Talk:Bean dip/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Jclemens (talk · contribs) 04:49, 22 August 2016 (UTC)

First read-through

 * "Various types of bean varieties are used" Lose one "vari*" word from that sentence, please.
 * ✅ (diff). Makes sense. North America1000 15:32, 22 August 2016 (UTC)


 * "Various additional ingredients are used in its preparation, such as onion, garlic, chili peppers and spices, among others, and it is sometimes garnished with various ingredients." Ditto here.  You at least need to lose 'among others', but again you would still be left with two 'various'es.
 * ✅. (diff) North America1000 15:38, 22 August 2016 (UTC)


 * "Various types of beans can be used in bean dip's preparation" How about "...in the preparation of bean dip"  Possessive construction seems an odd choice here, and in at least one other spot further down in the article.
 * ✅. (diff) North America1000 15:38, 22 August 2016 (UTC)


 * "creating a product with a creamier mouthfeel." Gotta admit 'mouthfeel' is a new one on me.  How about a cite and a more conventional wording for that, eh?
 * Copy edited (diff). North America1000 16:33, 22 August 2016 (UTC)


 * "Canned beans may have some saltiness," Some saltiness is fine, but if you're talking about removing or reducing it, wouldn't it be excessive saltiness?
 * I rewrote the sentence to read "Canned beans may have a salty flavor..." (diff), as per what the source states. The source does not state that the saltiness is excessive, only that it exists. North America1000 16:12, 22 August 2016 (UTC)


 * "Prepared canned green chili peppers are also sometimes used, which adds flavor." Subject/verb agreement: should be 'add'.
 * I rewrote the sentence to read "Prepared canned green chili peppers are also sometimes used." (diff). The source simply states that the canned green chili peppers are used as an ingredient. I removed the part about adding flavor. North America1000 16:16, 22 August 2016 (UTC)


 * "Myriad additional ingredients..." First off, thanks for not saying "various".  However, the organization of the list seems pretty haphazard and ungrammatical.  Near as I can tell you've got three sub-categories of ingredients: spices, non-spices, and water.  Garlic is your second item, for instance, while 'spices' (of which garlic is one) are listed later.
 * I rewrote this placing ingredients now in the order of plant-based foods/vegetables, wet/moist/liquid-based ingredients, and spices. Check it out now. North America1000 16:27, 22 August 2016 (UTC)


 * In Commercial Varieties two sentences in a row start with "Some commercial bean dips..."
 * Copy edited (diff). North America1000 16:28, 22 August 2016 (UTC)


 * "Bean dip can be prepared as or used as an ingredient in a seven-layer dip, which includes the addition of ingredients such as..." again with the overly wordy ingredient introductions, but at least the article is consistent.
 * I have copy edited this area. North America1000 16:32, 22 August 2016 (UTC)

Overall, other than various cringeworthy prose points, which you can surely correct, this appears withing striking distance of GA and therefore is placed ON HOLD for corrections. Cheers, Jclemens (talk) 05:43, 22 August 2016 (UTC)
 * Thanks for reviewing. I have copy edited the article per your suggestions above. Check it out now. North America1000 16:37, 22 August 2016 (UTC)