Talk:Frederick Hinde Zimmerman

Copyedit from Figureskatingfan
Hi, I'm copyediting this article because of a request at WP:GOCE. It's my practice to be WP:BOLD, and to ask questions that come up in the process on the talk page. See below:


 * Early life


 * Much of the problems with this section are with the timeline of events, so I moved things around a bit.


 * Is it necessary to mention that Zimmerman was born at the end of the Civil War? His birthyear should establish the era, right?  If not, how about: "Frederick Hinde Zimmerman was born on October 17, 1864, on his family farm in the Mount Carmel Precinct, Wabash County, Illinois."  (BTW, Z and I share the same birthday, except that he's 100 years older.  Please don't add that to the article; enough people will know how old I am from reading this talk page!) ;)


 * Zimmerman initially grew up in Mount Carmel, but when his mother Belinda Hinde died unexpectedly, his father sent him to live with family in Ohio. The phrase "initially grew up in" is too informal.  Do we know the year of his mom's death?  It would help the timeline problems if we did.  How about: "Zimmerman lived in Mount Carmel until the unexpected death of his mother Belinda Hinde in 18-- [or when Zimmerman was - years old], when his father sent him to live with family in Ohio."


 * Based on an entry in Edmund C. Hinde's diaries, Zimmerman's mother probably died from an overdose of morphine. A few months before the death of his mother, Zimmerman's uncle, judge Charles H. Constable died of a morphine overdose like his mother.  You need to tell us who Ed Hinde is.  (I know that writing about a large family can be complicated; I come from one myself, so I know.)  I ask this because I don't have access to Hinde's diaries: Does he state clearly that Belinda died of a morphine od?  If so, you need to state it.  I think that the second sentence should be in a note.  How about: "According to the diaries of Zimmerman's uncle Edmund C. Hinde, Zimmerman's mother probably died from an overdose of morphine.  A few months earlier, Zimmerman's uncle Judge Charles H. Constable also died of a morphine overdose."


 * Shortly after the death of his mother Belinda, Zimmerman's older brother Charles died at the age of 4 in Wabash County, Illinois. I'm assuming that Charles died in the Wabash County section of the family farm?  If so, you should state it, and exactly where it was really isn't important.  If it is, though, you need to state why.  How about: "Earlier that year, Zimmerman's older brother Charles died at the age of 4."


 * The text makes it seem like Zimmerman lived with family until his father's marriage until the remarriage in 1875, and he moved in with his father and stepmother in 1879. Do you mean that the remarriage occurred in 1875, and he moved back in 1879?  If so, this is how it should read: "Zimmerman's father married Emma Harris in 1875; at the age of 14, Zimmerman returned to the family farm to live with his father and stepmother in 1879."


 * Why are Judge Parker's activities important? Did the store fail because of it?  If so, tell us why; if not, I suggest removing the sentence or put it in a note to establish context of the times. Christine (Figureskatingfan) (talk) 05:22, 12 August 2012 (UTC)


 * Farm and family life


 * What year was the picture of Peter Zimmerman taken? If we knew, we could add the phrase "shown here in --" to the caption.


 * Please mention when the hotel was built. You discuss it further below, so that's all you need.


 * Is it really necessary to name his cows? I'm not sure it's notable, unless it was unusual for farmers to name their livestock.


 * Later business ventures


 * First sentence: It was also during that time... What time are we talking about?  His early marriage?  His time in the fraternity?  A date would be best.


 * More timing issues: did Z invest in the Wabash Bull-Frog Mines Company first and then co-own it? Notice that I did some more moving around, including consolidating the first and second paragraphs, this time to keep the concepts together.  When did Z invest in his father's mines?  Again, if we had a timeframe (i.e., span of years), that would be great.


 * First sentence in second paragraph: What time was that? Again, we should know exactly when he was involved in the business.


 * Is it correct to state that Garrett managed the family store?


 * Grand Rapids Hotel


 * Exactly how much did Z inherit from his uncle? If we knew, we could actually adjust for inflation.


 * I removed the first sentence in the last paragraph because it was redundant; you mention the hotel's location earlier.


 * Death


 * Why is it important that Z died the opening day of the Mt. Carmel fair? Did he attend it?  If he didn't, I don't see how it's notable, so I suggest removing the reference.

I always ce the lead last, so I'll get to that in the next couple of days. Gotta go to bed! Christine (Figureskatingfan) (talk) 05:03, 13 August 2012 (UTC)


 * Ok, so I've finished this copyedit. No notes about the lead.  I hope that what I've done and my notes were helpful.  Let me know how I can further assist. Christine (Figureskatingfan) (talk) 17:16, 14 August 2012 (UTC)

Incorrect date on photo of son
The 1920 date is listed in the Wikimedia info accompanying the pic, but that is probably the starting date of the album from which the photo was copied (since the man is obviously older than 17 yrs in that picture). Accordingly, I am deleting the date from the text under the photo. When somebody has a useable date, please insert it. TIA