Talk:Lamar Jackson/GA2

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: GhostRiver (talk · contribs) 19:19, 13 October 2021 (UTC)

I can take a look at this! —  Ghost River  19:19, 13 October 2021 (UTC)

Infobox and lede

 * "Jackson was the 32nd pick in the first round of the 2018 NFL Draft when he was selected by the Ravens." "The Ravens selected Jackson in the first round, 38th overall, of the 2018 NFL Draft."
 * "He was the fourth African-American quarterback to win the award." "He is the fourth African-American quarterback to win the award."
 * Per WP:LEADCITE, information that is cited in the body does not need to be cited in the lede, and all of the cited sentences in the lede should already be backed up in the body
 * On that note, reference for his middle name?

Early years

 * I checked both "overview" and "bio" on the ESPN reference and couldn't find the names of his parents
 * "Jackson's father died from a heart attack on the same day his grandmother died in 2005, when Jackson was 8 years old." "When Jackson was eight years old, his father suffered a fatal heart attack on the same day that his grandmother died."
 * "future teammate and Ravens wide receiver" "future Baltimore Ravens teammate and National Football League (NFL) wide receiver"
 * "When he was 8 years old, Jackson could throw a football 20 yards. In high school, Jackson threw a football 100 yards." "By the age of eight, Jackson could throw a football 20 yd. By high school, he was capable of throwing up to 100 yd."

High school career

 * "Jackson was a standout quarterback at Boynton Beach High School in Boynton Beach, Florida.[10] At Boynton Beach, Jackson was a successful read-option quarterback who could run and throw the ball equally well." "Jackson was a standout read option quarterback at Boynton Beach High School, equally capable of running and throwing the ball."
 * "He improved passing accuracy and decision-making by watching hours of film each week." "Outside of practice, he would watch hours of video footage per week to sharpen his pass accuracy and decision-making abilities."
 * Link first instances of touchdown and interception

Recruiting

 * "disagreement by" "disagreement from"
 * There's a parenthetical without a mate
 * "promised Jackson's mother that her son would be playing quarterback and nothing else." "promised his mother that they intended only to use her son as a quarterback."
 * Later it's made clear that some coaches wanted to make him a wide receiver, but this isn't set up very well here. All we know is that Petrino only wants to us him as a QB, but we don't know what other coaches/recruiters were pushing for

Freshman year

 * This section overall needs to be expanded: he only started eight games, who else was QB? Who was he playing in the Music City Bowl? Any highlights?

Junior year

 * College GameDay announced their return to the University of Louisville to host the opening matchup on September 16 between the returning National Champions, Clemson Tigers, and the Cardinals. Trivial, can be removed
 * Some NPOV/OR issues with Jackson did not let the numbers affect his playing ability. His remarkable statistics for the season resulted in his being a Heisman finalist for the 2017 season. No quotes from Jackson to back up the playing ability comment, and "remarkable" statistics fall under MOS:PUFFERY

Professional career

 * Wide receiver should have been linked earlier and should not be capitalized here
 * No comma needed after "during the NFL Scouting Combine"
 * "4.34" "4.34-second"
 * Comma after "in 2017 at Louisville"
 * Link signing bonus

2018 season

 * "in place of the injured Joe Flacco, who injured his hip two weeks prior" Multiple redundancies; we know who Flacco is, and "injured" is listed twice
 * "quarterback in a single game in a 24–21 victory." needs rephrasing, currently makes it sound like this record only stands for games where the final score was 24-21

2019 season

 * In total, Jackson personally accounted for over 500 yards of offense. unreferenced

Player Profile

 * "Player Profile" "Player profile" per MOS:HEADCAPS
 * Reference [133] is not a reference but a note, and should be in a separate notes list (see something like Matt Joyce (baseball) for how to style that)
 * Words like "widely" and "often" are thrown around here but then are only linked to one person's opinion – a corollary would be something like in J. T. Realmuto, called the "best catcher in baseball", which talks about where that epithet is formed and who's using it
 * "Except for his rookie season," "Every year after his rookie season"
 * Space between end of sentence and citations should be removed for the sentence ending "by a quarterback in a single season"
 * Concerns however have been raised on his ability to play as a pure-pocket passer when the run-game is contained. Very jargony, hard for someone who doesn't talk football to understand
 * It's hard to prove a negative ("elite passers", in this instance), and the references included don't necessarily make that claim so much as they provide concrete reasons why he is not elite.

Awards and highlights

 * Is there a way to make some of this a table?
 * More importantly: Another 30-odd references are added here, when some of the awards that he received were already mentioned in the body (like the Heisman). Why do we need a new reference here? Would the one from the body not suffice?
 * Can we include how his 79 touches (59 passes, 20 rushes) in the 2019 playoff game were an NFL single game record? — Preceding unsigned comment added by 72.174.131.123 (talk) 19:31, 18 January 2022 (UTC)

In popular culture

 * I don't necessarily think of these things as "in popular culture", since they all feature Jackson himself (as opposed to, say, references to him in TV programs or songs where he doesn't actually appear). It would fall more under "Personal life"
 * Most of the information here needs a little more context:
 * Who did he play alongside in Celebrity Family Feud?
 * What was the unveiling like for the Madden cover? Bryce Harper's MLB 2019 unveiling was a big deal because nobody knew what team he was playing for, whereas Roy Halladay's cover came with a prize for the first perfect game pitcher
 * Why did Pope Francis get a jersey?

Personal life

 * Most of this is presented out of context again, or is trivial: his pre-game meal and his favorite superhero are not critically important to understanding who Jackson is. I'm thinking more along the lines of the "Personal life" section of Robin Lehner, where his favorite bands are mentioned because they inspired the design of his goalie helmet

General comments
Although I have not entirely gotten through this article, I have seen enough that I think it would be best marked as a ❌, thereby giving the nominator more time to fix some of the larger issues. Overall, I have two main concerns. The first is simple: the prose has issues. This can be fixed by going to WP:GOCE. The larger issue is the flattering tone of Jackson that the article takes, rarely with concrete citations to back it up. This is something learned with time. In the meanwhile, I encourage the nominator to look at current football GAs and FAs in order to get a sense of the tone used, as well as the depth of detail employed. —  Ghost River  20:07, 13 October 2021 (UTC)