Talk:Robert Dirks/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Jclemens (talk · contribs) 05:25, 9 August 2016 (UTC)

First read through

 * "Four years later the family settled in the elder Dirks' hometown" Who? His dad's hometown?  I think that's right but I'm still not sure.  Should be clarified/simplified, please.
 * ✅ Changed to "Michael's" Daniel Case (talk) 01:42, 11 August 2016 (UTC)


 * "he received the top score of 5 on every Advanced Placement exam he took" How many was that? What were they? Means something very different if he took 5 AP exams vs. only one.
 * I wish we could say more, but that's all the source in question gives us. It doesn't say how many. Daniel Case (talk) 01:42, 11 August 2016 (UTC)
 * OK Jclemens (talk) 02:48, 11 August 2016 (UTC)


 * "chosen as class valedictorian in 1996" The chosen valedictorian is often the student with the highest ranking among his/her graduating class., but is an honor bestowed on the student having the highest GPA.
 * "The chosen valedictorian is often the student with the highest ranking among his/her graduating class." Again, this is as his obituary in the Spokesman-Review describes it. Our own article describes it as a chosen position, not always based on academic accomplishment: ""'In other schools, the position may be elected by the school body or appointed directly by the school administration based on various systems of merit.''" Daniel Case (talk) 01:42, 11 August 2016 (UTC)
 * OK Jclemens (talk) 02:48, 11 August 2016 (UTC)


 * "shortly after graduation Robert and three of his classmates learned that their entry in the ExploraVision national scientific contest was one of three high school winners earning them and their families a trip to Washington, D.C." Their learning of the victory is a transient event, and I would rephrase that to focus on the enduring value of that early achievement, not the joy of finding out.
 * ✅ rephrased. Daniel Case (talk) 03:14, 11 August 2016 (UTC)


 * The whole last paragraph in the early life section, about his college and graduate school, seems to have needlessly complex sentences.
 * ✅ Antony–22 (talk⁄contribs) 23:09, 11 August 2016 (UTC)


 * There's quite a bit of overlinking going on. Train station? Raise? I'd avoid hiding concepts behind words like that.
 * ✅ Antony–22 (talk⁄contribs) 23:09, 11 August 2016 (UTC)

Not a lot of prose, and most of it is OK, but there's ample room for some polishing here. Jclemens (talk) 05:48, 9 August 2016 (UTC)
 * Placing this on hold for a prose review, everything else looks fine. Jclemens (talk) 05:49, 9 August 2016 (UTC)
 * ... and that's a pass. Thanks! Jclemens (talk) 04:45, 12 August 2016 (UTC)