Talk:Relationship education

Advice for men only?
The last eight numbered items at the bottom contain specific 'advice' for men. The idea that there would not be parallel recommendations for women seems rather agenda-driven. — Preceding unsigned comment added by 72.198.101.30 (talk) 13:34, 31 August 2011 (UTC)

The presentation of parenting class materials is often aimed and delivered to a heavy percentage of mothers and efforts to include fathers may be less successful, for a variety of reasons. Men's group movements and classes have been formed in an effort to reduce this disparity. Nonetheless, efforts should be made to emphasize very specific actions that both men and women take to improved their relationships.Homebuilding (talk) 20:00, 12 December 2012 (UTC)

Virginia Satir quote
MerlinsMagic (talk) 18:54, 27 November 2012 (UTC)
 * 2012112710011715 was received and approved. Thanks, Legoktm (talk) 20:02, 27 November 2012 (UTC)

Basic principles and practices
Citation needed for section below. Should not be included in article without proper sourcing and cleanup. MerlinsMagic (talk) 02:54, 21 January 2013 (UTC)


 * all men and all women can learn improved means and methods of relating to each other;
 * all men and all women can learn much improved means of managing inevitable differences and can accept and plan for the numerous difficulties and incompatibilities that are present in all relationships;
 * there is likely to be far more satisfaction from learning to play complementary roles well than from perpetually nursing the desire for that ideal and perfectly compatible individual;
 * humorous responses (to be used gently and often) and the ability to develop and select lighthearted interpretations of life's inevitable awkwardnesses are of great value in aborting downward emotional spirals (interpretations that blame the other person, causing significant and needless harm);
 * all great couples and failed (failing) couples have disagreements in the same, predictable areas of life. Creating the proper environment to honor the right to differences without perpetually allowing them to rise to the level of conflict is the key behavioral difference, and this can be practiced and mastered;
 * more communication or communication, alone, is never the exclusive answer to a problem situation. Respectful exchange of ideas while noting the preferences of the other thus showing concern and respect for them (including the validation of their importance) is valuable and essential.  Building a respectful connection is the goal-—not a mere word count increase;
 * to personalize (blame the other for) your difficulties is almost always the wrong thing to do as very few "man mistakes" or "woman mistakes" are exclusive to your personal circumstances. Dramatically high percentages of other couples have had your same, exact battles and the ones who accepted this fact graciously and worked to resolve them amicably remain together, in love.  Remember that happy couples respect differences and choose means to promote love by preventing battles, though awkward items, inevitably, remain as part of our lives;
 * there is great value in accepting the influence of the other graciously—and in offering one's own influence gracefully and gently;
 * keep the ratio of positive over negative comments overwhelming, in the nature of at least 10:1, while remembering that any negative responses or outbursts are likely to be remembered far longer;
 * in tense moments, "soft starts" to any potentially conflicted conversational exchange is absolutely mandatory (there is value in pausing—planning to address a situation later when "cool heads" can prevail—a surprising number of contentious matters actually disappear in the context of a more thoughtful and warmer environment of greater love and previously made commitments);
 * always seek healing tones and methods and never give resentment a foothold (allow for human foibles, errors, and alternate preferences when observing the “mistakes” of others and remember that you are daily and perpetually seeking to build a loving and caring home life);
 * remember that experiencing some guilt may be useful in learning and re-directing ourselves, but that shaming another person, that is, finding fault in who they are, their intentions, and their very self, can be very destructive;
 * it is essential to recognize difficulty as early as possible—and to tread lightly--to wait and prepare for the very best moment arrives to approach a troublesome matter (note that far less than all items need to be addressed—time will allow most potential squabbles to disappear on their own—dying of unimportance in the larger context of the active cultivation of a longer term, enduring love);
 * every couple can benefit from the active pursuit of fun and friendship (obviously, this takes special effort while caring for small children but it is not automatically easier when they've grown, either);
 * all couples have a significant number of matters of lifelong contrast or disagreement. Successful couples “table” these and respect each other's differences and create joy, finding happiness and love in areas of greater agreement, aggressively cultivating their positive regard and commitment to the relationship;
 * in pursuing fun and friendship, note the increased difficulty when in the presence of people who have not yet learned the value in addressing their grumpy life habits. People can actively choose to avoid the grumpy habits of life—but extreme caution is needed, here.  Mocking them or ridiculing any less than ideal habit can make things worse, and rather easily so.  Note that noisier, stronger outbursts may be more damaging than is initially understood in the heat of an uncontrolled moment (thus the need for repair mechanisms and improved and caring habits);
 * recreational companionship should be cultivated and recreational compatibility should be pursued vigorously. Cherish these moments and be very careful of areas where one partner has obviously more/less skill, knowledge, and interest (select areas where compatibilities are the greatest);
 * many women will respond well to the direct promotion of their emotional safety and comfort (men, note that they may not enjoy being reminded of this);
 * nearly every man will respond favorably to positive note or validation of his efforts or contributions (women, note that many men may not enjoy being reminded that in certain areas of ability, skill, income, or status, half of them will be below average);
 * it is always valuable to choose warmth over grumpiness in responding to any of life's numerous annoyances;
 * the identification and the elimination of as many bad habits as possible can begin immediately (note that many researchers have observed that women report far greater concern in this area);
 * the identification of and the practice and repetition of as many good habits as possible can begin immediately;
 * the common practice of assigning a mental illness diagnosis to persons experiencing relationship distress is quite likely to be iatrogenic. Boisvert, C., & Faust, D. (2002). Iatrogenic symptoms in psychotherapy: A theoretical exploration of the potential impact of labels, language, and belief systems. American Journal of Psychotherapy, 56, 244-259. ;
 * there are many positive and romantic ideas and habits to cultivate—and to not seek them, to not learn them, and to not practice them is to risk missing some of life's greatest pleasures and enjoyments;
 * there is great value in scripting, practicing, and faking improved expressions of new knowledge, methods and facts (this idea is rather routine in all new learning—from bicycling to bread-making, and is very useful toward becoming the best spouse that you can be);
 * researching what others want, desire, appreciate and enjoy is essential. Know that what is of high importance to your spouse may be of lesser importance to you. Accommodate these preferences to the highest degree that you can-—fully expecting that numerous day-to-day preferences of the other may be surprising to you (or that you may have forgotten something important to them).
 * repair mechanisms must be identified, prepared and used regularly, before any cascade toward significant deteriorations can be observed clearly. All repairs involve softened tones and absolutely no harsh words or presentations. If you cannot stage an optimal recovery effort initially, arrange for a break until you can review essential principles and return to attempt a loving recovery—a repair. (John Gottman, in Seven Principles)  Do not repeatedly offer an "I'm sorry," which may sound insincere or impotent, over time.  Rather, substitute something along the lines of "....that didn't go well as well as we both want and I'm committed to showing my love and care in a better way, even in awkward, difficult situations" and then set about finding ways and habits to do so;
 * exposing children and youth to these basic principles is compatible with the majority of socialization fundamentals in numerous societies and religions.

Wikipedia Assignment (Ms. V)
What works: I like the goals and seven principles of relationship education. What doesn't work: I don't think history is really needed in this article specifically. To improve the article: Maybe add a little more information about dating experiences. Also, add some information about Love. An article suggestion: http://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html?_r=0 — Preceding unsigned comment added by 2605:E000:5B0F:B600:14A9:3DFB:290:A2D1 (talk) 00:27, 10 October 2015 (UTC)

not exactly a neutral point of view
If this page were titled "How to Have a Good Relationship", it would be clear that it was a set of recommendations, and that these recommendations represented a particular point of view. But it's not titled "How to Have a Good Relationship", it's titled "Relationship Education", and it's presented as a settled set of facts. These "facts" may work for some people, they may even be a set of prevalent beliefs in the United States or some larger region, but these facts are from the perspective of a particular culture, or some subset of the people witihin that culture.

"Relationship education" is a generic term, it's meaning is not restrcicted to the perspective presented here. It would be akin to having a page titled "Religion" which described just the Lutheran denomination. So the article name needs to be qualified and the content needs to be adjusted in accordance with WP:NPOV. Fabrickator (talk) 00:22, 2 July 2016 (UTC)